I'll just put this here because it's been in my head all night

"Your tongue is sharp/ but I miss the taste of it"

thoughts

I've been thinking a lot about the things I want to do, and how time spent doing them limits other possibilities, and when I think about this stuff too much that's when I sometimes shut down. If I think on it a reasonable amount it is good motivation though. It's always been very hard to work on something, or endure something now for what I want in the future, especially if I am miserable or just can't see the end. I always see that thing in the future as either unattainable, or something that'll just come on its own without my work. Neither option is true and I am learning that. I'm learning to set goals, and have self-discipline, as an adult, and it's really hard. All I know is I do not want my kids growing up with the complete lack of structure, self-discipline, or organization I was given as a child. I was taught none of this basic shit other people take for granted and it makes it really fucking hard sometimes to get where you wanna be in life.

updates

I've been working out so hard this past week. I've gotten some good sleep off and on too. I finally made a B workout that makes me want to die the whole way through but I can still completely accomplish all my sets, it's just hard work and seriously pouring sweat. I need to tweak my A workout now because it feels too easy in contrast.

The Easy Way

"I don't wanna tell you how I could love you, I don't wanna scare you right away, I don't wanna watch you live some other life, I gotta think of somethin' to say."