Lately.

I feel like I'm just trying to fill my day until it's a reasonable time for an adult to sleep, and then I don't want to wake up. Sleep is the only solace I have from my own heart, and sometimes it even betrays me in my dreams. During the day I just try not to think or feel or get so caught up in thoughts that hours pass by without me realizing it or getting anything done. Just stay busy, look straight ahead. It's sad really. As it starts getting dark outside I fight back panic and sadness. Once it reaches 10pm I feel relieved that the day could be over if I choose to lie down.